Wolves v Southampton: Premier League – live!

84 min Walker-Peters beats two men then tries it on with a third and is robbed, Jimenez again dropping off – this time to find Neto. His shot is blocked, but there’ll only be one winner here – Southampton are gone.

82 min Jimenez comes deep and rolls in Ait-Nouri, but his cross hits the first man. Meanwhile, Hasenhuttl is on the pitch in a tantrum after Traore ragdolled Romeu (within the laws of association football).

81 min Since March 2017, Shane Long has made 54 substitute appearances, scoring once.

78 min Wolves win a free-kick on the right and Moutinho picks out Jimenez’s prodigious brow; he power-flicks a glorious, expert’s header inside the near post, but the flag is quickly up for offside.

76 min It’s Traore who’s got Wolves going here; they might try giving him the ball more quickly and more often.

Wolves have stepped it up since conceding – why it took that, who knows – and Moutinho injects pace into their attack, darting a ball into Jimenez, who’s absolutely having one tonight … until now! He drills a low shot across McCarthy from 20 yards that’s so true it speaks the word of God in the voice of Carl Williams, and when it clatters the foot of the post, Neto snaps home the rebound.

74 min “Northern Ireland fans had a field day in the mid 90s,” says Michael Gbson, “when lanky young forward James Quinn was awarded his first international cap. He followed well-travelled former Northern Ireland international forward, Jimmy Quinn, in proudly wearing the fabled green and white shirt. We were able to serenade Quinn the younger with ‘He’s tall, he’s thin, he looks like Jimmy Quinn. It’s Jimmy Quinn, Jimmy Quinn!’ Happy times at Windsor Park…”

73 min Traore looks dangerous every time he gets on the ball, a sherman tank in ballet shoes, and he does really well to escape two men inside a phonebox, but can’t quite thread the ball onto Jimenez.

71 min I’m guessing that Traore is now playing deeper, but here he is bulldozing Bertrands and swiftly squaring for Podence, who cleverly goes one more for Podence. He might shoot first time, but instead takes a touch to get steady, only to allow Vestergaard to slide in and block. That’s the best we’ve seen of Wolves in quite some time.

69 min Dendoncker clatters Djnepo for no reason (other than fun and general principle), giving Southampton a chance to stick a ball into the box. Betrand looks for Vestergaard at the back post, but gives it too much well and too much air.

67 min Nice from Wolves, Neves clipping a quick free-kick over the top for Jimenez, who’s right onto it. But his touch is poor and the ball runs off it; he’s not having a good night so far.

65 min Ahem. Adams wins the ball on halfway, shakes off his man, and clips a gorgeous pass over the top for Walcott to ease onto … he’s in! It looks for all the world like he’ll make it 2-0, but with a long time to consider the internal futility of existence, he clips wide. Miserable defending and miserable finishing, but superb from Adams.

65 min “This Theo Walcott kid is good!” reckons Peter Oh. “Heck, England should take him to the next World Cup!”

63 min Semedo knows he dropped a gargantuan body-part there. No switching off looks like anything in a post-Basaksehir v Man United world, but believe me it was a goodun.

61 min That wasn’t part of Wolves’ plan, and they now need to force things sooner than usual. I don’t think it’ll be long before we see Neto.

59 min VAR has a quick look to check that Armstrong didn’t foul Ait-Nouri and decides that he didn’t, which he didn’t.

Armstrong does brilliantly to battle for the ball down the left, keeping the attack alive and moving it to the middle, where Djenpo clips over the top. Adams then does really well to cushion across, and Walcott taps home at the back post with Semedo grabbing a quick lebowski. That’s Walcott’s first Southampton goal since 2005, in the Championship!

57 min “In keeping with the footballers with the same name topic tonight, not technically on topic but remember that both John Collins and Collins John both wore the Fulham colours with distinction. Given my name, I have good reason to recall!” says Jonathan Collins.

55 min Back to Newcastle songs, I was recently introduced to this.

53 min Neves slides a ball to Ait-Nouri outside him and the cross is a goodun, but skids across Jimenez’s forehead when he might easily have butted it home.

52 min Nice from Ait-Nouri, dashing inside and finding Podence, who stands up Vestergaard and looks to go inside, then once the defender’s weight is shifted, drags the ball down the outside to crump a shot that McCarthy beats behind (for a corner which comes to nowt).

51 min Another flash of Traore, veering outside Bertrand, hitting the line, and digging out a cross that’s just too strong for those hitting the box.

50 min “Not quite the same I know,” apologises Jimmy, “but Liam O’Brien and Andy O’Brien have both scored in Tyne-Wear derbies for Newcastle, leading to the fantastic terrace ditty: ‘Liam O’Brien, Andy O’Brien, any, any, any O’Brien. Who put the ball in the Mackem’s net? O’Brien, O’Brien.’”

I love that. Liam is also famous for achieving the fastest red card in Man United’s history, after 90 seconds against Southampton. Sadly, YouTube is silent on the matter.

49 min Wolves win a free-kick down the right which Moutinho curls in and it’s a decent effort too, but Dendoncker can only waft it past the post. He was offside anyhow.

48 min Podence reminds me a little of Harvey Barnes, an electric ball who looks like he might, someday, become unstoppable. He wriggles between two challenges, but just as he looks to set himself for a shot, Vestergaard challenges.

47 min “I can’t be the only pedant to point out a light year is a unit of distance not time,” says Aidan Thomas. “Surely.”

Yes, physics is not my strong point but I did know that – but it takes a while to travel one, is my understanding. I might well be wrong, though.

46 min Kilman and Boly have sapped side, so Kilman is now on the left, where you’d expect him to be.