The Love Language of gifts – Red Bluff Daily News


For four weeks we have been exploring the Five Love Languages concept by Gary Chapman. The Five Love Languages are common ways that people express their love and tend to feel the love, so-to-speak. So far, we have covered the love languages of Acts of Service and Quality time. This week we are taking a deep dive into the love language of Gifts.

Many of you know I took a hiatus from work in the mental health field about four years ago. Since then, I have been enjoying working part-time jobs that are fun and offer variety. One of my gigs is working at Wink Fashion and Salon on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I love connecting with the community and chatting with old friends and making new ones one happy customer at a time.

Working at a boutique, or any other retailer, you can tell when someone’s love language is Gifts. Their tuned-in spouse or friend understands that gifts make their mate or friend feel loved and cared for so they take the time to grab a goodie or a gift card to make them smile. It really isn’t about the gift or the dollar amount so much as it is about finding something that reflects the sentiment that they matter.

Having the love language of Gifts isn’t about materialism. It’s about sentiment. People who love gifts place a great emphasis on finding the right gifts or celebrating special occasions with a token that represents the giver and the receiver. As a giver, effort is poured into finding the perfect gift that reflects a personal element of the receiver. Gift-givers go all out to make sure the receiver knows their gifts are intentional and special.

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People who love gifts as a love language also place great emphasis on special days like birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestone dates. If they are missed or passed over, it can wound them and make them feel unloved. It means more to them to be acknowledged than getting a gift. Being set apart on special days is a gift in and of itself.

If you love someone with Gifts as a love language, celebrating them is key. If you’ve got kids, decorate their bedroom door the night before their birthday. Let them wake up to a visual expression of your love and value for them. Leave your loved-one small and personal gifts on their pillow or desk at work. It isn’t about the cost of the gift; it’s about the fact that you show you are thinking about them and that they matter.

If gifts are your love language it is important to share this with the ones you love. Being able to meet your needs is as much your responsibility as theirs. Sharing why gifts make you feel special and what sorts of gifts lift your spirits can help those loving on you to meet your expectations. They may be showing you love in all the wrong ways and just need insight on how best to show they care.

As with all the love languages it feels great when you are in a relationship with someone with the same language. That isn’t always the case. Someone with a gifts love language might feel unloved receiving words of affirmation. They don’t want to hear you love them; they want to see you love them via a token of your affection. Sending flowers to a gifts love language person is superior to a love letter.

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This week, pay attention to your Gifts love language friends and family. Try your best to find meaningful tokens to send the message that they matter and you want to show your love.

Faydra Koenig, MA is a mental health administrator, author, public speaker, educator and life coach who lives in Red Bluff. She can be reached at coachfaydra@gmail.com or view her blog at doinglifewithfaydra.com.



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