The independent pay review body implausibly set up in order to prevent MPs granting themselves bumper pay rises has given its verdict on whether MPs deserve a bumper pay rise this year.
And, what do you know? It turns out they do think they deserve a bumper pay rise this year.
Of course, beyond putting themselves up for election every now and again, MPs don’t have to pass any kind of job performance review in order to get their pay rise.
But if they did – do you think they’d pass?
Personal Development Review
Name: Members of Parliament
Job: Representing the people of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
The employee does not work well as part of a team. Or individually for that matter.
Under clear instructions from their employers, the British people, to find a way of leaving the EU without sending the country into a never ending spiral of pain, anguish, and turnip stew the employee has entirely failed to agree on a course of action with colleagues.
As a result, the deadline for the project had to be pushed back and it is unclear if or when the objective will be achieved.
While the employee physically turns up to work most days, it’s difficult to measure their accomplishments on any recognisable scale.
The employee benefits extremely generous working hours, rarely having to be in their seat before 10am and frequently heading off for long weekends on a Thursday.
But any suggestion that their lengthy recess should be curtailed in the hope of preventing a screaming meltdown of the country’s infrastructure is angrily dismissed.
Asked where they saw themselves in five years’ time, the employee replied: “I’m in a pretty safe seat, mate, so short of a sex scandal or someone looking too closely at my expenses, probably exactly where I am.”
Asked where they saw the company in five years’ time, the employee had no satisfactory answer, aside from: “As long as the food’s still cheap and the bars are still open, the rest of it will probably work itself out.”