71 min Celtic are so slow in possession, with no one breaking lines or running in behind. Again, they get Edouard on the ball outside the box and again he shoots; again Rogers saves easily.
68 min “The Killie pie story is deep and rich,” says Fergus. “The club’s current sponsors are the original makers of the pie but had a meaty dispute a few years back with a much disliked former chairman, who trademarked the word ‘Killie’ – meaning the bakers couldn’t sell it as such outside of games. For a while the club sold a different Killie pi, but it was offal compared to the real deal. You can even get the actual ‘Kilmarnock Pie’ in some supermarkets now. But probably not in England…”
That does indeed seem unlikely, likewise the likelihood that my local kosher delicatessen will be into stocking them.
66 min Hello! With the ball out wide, Edouard and Findlay flirt for possession, then Edouard introduces hands to phizog. Findlay is not at all happy, but the ref gives him a free-kick and nowt else.
65 min Celtic find McGregor 25 yards out and he unfurls a curler that drifts just over the top. Decent effort, but Killie will be delighted to see another long-ranger attempted.
63 min Like now, for example! They win a free-kick 30 yards out and Burke whips over to the back post, where Kabamba is unmarked! He should go for goal because, though the angle’s acute, there’s more chance of a goal or rebound than of him nodding back across and picking out a man. but he opts for the second option and Rogers aves.
63 min Killie are doing a great job of disappearing this game. They’ve been really solid at the back, and looked to be brave in attack.
61 min Celtic are really struggling here – there’s no zip in their passing or movement, a failing encapsulated by the ball reaching Brown on the edge of the box and him having no option but to drag a shot wide.
59 min Power lifts a pass over the top for Kabamba, but it’s Kjaer with him, not Jullien, so the striker is forced wide; Millen crosses, and Barkas claims.
57 min Taylor points to where he wants a return pass and Forrest obliges, inside and running towards the by-line. Taylor catches up with it, though it looks like it’s out, and crosses low; Rogers eventually claims.
57 min I don’t think it’ll be long before we see Olivier Ntcham.
55 min Kabamba pulls wide and drills a decent ball into the middle, where Burke’s replaced him. But the touch to control is loose, and the opportunity vanishes.
54 min Edouard controls a long ball well, but Dicker is on him as he turns, and Elyounoussi concedes a free-kick by launching at the pair of them.
52 min “My normal culinary experience at Rugby Park – or BBSP stadium,” emails Bobby McDonald, “is a pint in the hotel, one killie pie pre game, one at half-time with a bovril and usually sour grapes after. Ain’t it the life though.”
I must have one right now.
51 min Edouard is warming up, turning cleverly – I think that’s his first touch inside the box – before leathering a shot that’s blocked at source.
50 min Edouard nabs half a yard outside the box, spinning to clump high over the bar.
48 min “That’ll be ‘galumphers’ I guess,” emails Dave Russell, “after jabberwocky.”
I wondered about that – my old fella was an English teacher – but I’d be surprised – and proud – if it was his own work.
47 min In fairness to that running out of petrol situation, I had just seen this goal, so swings and roundabouts.
46 min Off we go again. Killie send on Haunstrup for his club debut, as McKenzie has a calf strain. Haunstrup is a recent acquisition from Pompey, but hasn’t played since January.
Half-time email: “Oi, nowt wrong with The Riverside,” retorts Mike Ollier, “and it hasn’t been called Cellnet for years.”
The Cellnet bit was a joke, but I would also say, all things considered, the Riverside is up there, or down there, with my least favourite away grounds – not just the ground itself, though that’s part of it, but the lack of much going on around it. I did also once run out of gas on the motorway on the way home, and see Afonso Alves score twice, in the same game, while getting snowed on in April.
Half-time: Kilmarnock 1-1 Celtic
Killie will be very happy with that. You feared for them when Celtic went ahead, but they’ve stayed disciplined and focused, while Kabamba has the beating of Jullien. The second half shuold be decent, so join me a bit for that.
45 min Christie launches a cross from the right and Forrest is there in the box, hurling himself at it but flicking wide. In commentary, Andy Walker reckons if he’d tried to head it straight in, he’d have scored, and missed because he attempted a glance, but I think it was just slightly out of his reach.
44 min Killie have played pretty well here. Celtic have had a lot of the ball, but have created little – they’re playing much too slowly and look a little rigid, much more so than under Brendan Rodgers.
43 min “What is geleimpters? asks Joseph DeBin. “I can’t find its meaning on Google.” Yes, I had a look myself and could only find me using it in another one of these. I’m probably spelling it wrong, or perhaps my da made it up, but as far as I know it’s a Yiddish word, which means large daft individual.
41 min Jullien is not enjoying the physical contest against Kabamba – you fear for him when he faces someone as strong but with a bit more pace – and again, he’s bullied off the ball, losing a header following a long hump from Power, turning slowly as Kabamba heads into his own path, and eventually sliding a desperate leg along with Kjaer which sends the resultant shot looping over Barkas, who has time to chase back and paw it away.
39 min Celtic push with Frimpong coming on a game. Twoce in this latest passage he turns up on the ball, whacking a cross into the arms of Rogers on the second occasion.
38 min A shop in ‘Boro used to do Parmo Pies but sadly no more,” says Mike Ollier. “A few years back the lovely Brighton catering chaps welcomed us fans with their version of a parmo ~ nice thought, but they were manky.”
There’s not much that can redeem a trip to the Cellnet, but a cheese parmo – chicken or pork topped with bechamel and cheddar – is one such thing.
36 min Edouard tries the golf club-style sidefoot and Rogers is feart enough to dive full-length, but the ball floats just wide of the far post.
35 min Power hitchkicks in on Elyounoussi 20 yards from goal, just left of the D, and is booked. Edouard fancies it, while Rogers feels a twitch.
35 min Sky apologise for any swearing that wee might be hearing, as though that’s not a reason we might be watching, as though there’s nothing more offensive about football that goes unapologised for.
34 min Killie win a free-kick 40 yards from goal, send up the geleimpters from the back … and Burke promptly luzzes over the by-line.
32 min Christie wanders right to join Forrest and gang up on Waters, but he and McKenzie do well to block the resultant cross and win their side a goalkick.
30 min Millen is crossing really nicely today, and he curves another in towards Kabamba, but the ball is too high meaning Kabamba can only get under it, and he heads away tae Falkirk. If Killie can get Millen on the ball slightly closer to the line and the box, they’re in business.
30 min Findlay heads home weakly, and for a second it looks like Edouard might be in, but Findlay is on-hand to tidy up.
28 min Celtic are back knocking it about, but so far, Killie have done a good job of keeping Edouard quiet. We’ve also not seem loads of Frimpong down the right; Killie have forced things pretty narrow.
26 min “Having covered the Killie pie, I refer you to the worst football/culinary experience,” returns @AsNaturalAsRain. “I’ve just recalled the time me and @twovolumenovel went to Celtic v Aberdeen at Hampden (2011 ish) and the guy sat next to us had brought a bag of hard boiled eggs. Maybe the most offensive thing ever encountered in a football ground.”
25 min Yerman Rogers must be extremely relieved at what’s just come to pass.
GOAL! Kilmarnock 1-1 Celtic (Burke pen, 24)
Burke opens his body and punches into the bottom-right side-netting. Barkas goes the right way, but the placement is too much for him. We got ourselves a ball-game!
PENALTY TO KILLIE!
Brilliant play from Kabamba, who holds onto the ball near the by-line as Brown and Jullien look to unload him; he strong-stands, then turns adroitly and Jullien can’t help but haul him down. That is extremely daft behaviour.
21 min “You may have seen the hoardings advertising the famous Killie Pie,” tweets @AsNaturalAsRain, “(luscious chunks of steak & gravy in a pastry case – glorious) Do you have a favourite matchday treat? I’m also a fan of the balti pie found at various Midlands stadia. Really is the best of Britain.”
I rarely eat at the game – I’m more of a sweet guzzzler – but my favourite football food is to be found at the Vine pub near the Hawthorns. But either Arsenal or Spurs away is reason enough to go to Diyarbakir on Green Lanes.
20 min Rangers have beaten St Mirren 3-0. They join Hibs and Ross County as teams who have won their two opening games.
19 min Taylor is looking good down the Celtic left and he finds space to cross with Elyounoussi, on loan from Southampton, free. But Broadfoot is alert, and he heads clear.
18 min First bit of Killie in a bit, Burke getting away down the right, but he doesn’t have the pace to get to the line and Ajer lumbers over the stick the ball into touch.
16 min I mentioned Hibs earlier, and didn’t mention Sunshine On Leith, but not because I didn’t think to mention it. Is there a better football song in all the world?
15 min It’s all Celtic at the moment. They’re looking to get this finished, while Killie are hoping to sit in and see what happens later on.
14 min and here’s Taylor down the left, ramming a cross into what looks not unlike a hand. There are shouts for a penalty, but the ref says no.
13 min Celtic are passing with purpose now. You fear for Killie.
GOAL! Kilmarnock 0-1 Celtic (Christie 11)
For some reason there’s no wall, so Christie steps up and sweeps left-footed, low, into the far corner. It’s a decent effort, but ye’ve gottae save those. Happy full debut, Danny Rogers.
10 min Edouard spins Dicker, who chases and blooters him up in the air, playground style. He’s booked, and Ryan Christie fancies the free-kick, 30 yards out, left of centre….
10 min The advertising hoardings are telling us about Kilmarnock pie, which Wikipedia teaches me is “a steak and gravy pie produced by Brownings the Bakers since 2003. The pie has won a vast number of awards including best savoury pie in Scotland two years running as well as picking up the best pie in Scottish football.” Need badly.
8 min Dicker slams a cross into the box, but McKenzie, martialled by Frimpong, can’t get anywhere near it.
7 min Forrest squares for McGregor, who whacks from 20 yards; the shot deflects off the nearest shin, and Christie can’t catch up with it before Rogers grabs.