I'm a narcissist expert… here are the 10 red flags a woman is emotionally abusing you

If a man finds himself in a relationship that is moving too fast or feels too good to be true than he may be dating a narcissists.

A narcissistic abuse recovery coach has revealed the 10 red flags you might be overlooking that are tell-tale signs your partner is love bombing you, which is a type of emotional manipulation a person employs to get ensure their partner feels attached to the relationship.

These signs could include showering you with attention and making you feel like her savior, ultimately forcing you to abandon your normal routine, friends and family.

By understanding the intentions behind these red-flag comments, you can learn when its time to make a quick getaway.

A narcissistic abuse recovery coach has revealed the 10 red flags you might be overlooking that are tell-tale signs your partner is love bombing you. Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and The City has been called a narcissist for how she has treated men in the show

The red flags reveal a woman’s narcissistic personality that can make you prematurely enter a relationship and get involved too quickly before the woman uses your weaknesses against you. 

A 2017 study focusing on millennials found that excessive communication and intimacy were positively associated with narcissistic behavior and people with low levels of self-esteem.

1. It feels too good to be true

When entering a ‘love bombing’ relationship, a man might find that she showers him with an excessive amount of love, care, attention and compliments.

She will give you everything you might need to feel worthy, something no other woman has ever done.

But according to narcissistic abuse recovery coach, Liliya Labonté, this is the first sign that the woman is taking advantage of your weaknesses.

2. The relationship moves way too quickly

If after two weeks, you and she are already calling each other ‘soulmates,’ ‘your person’ or ‘your other half,’ these could be red flags, according to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

Labonté warned in a TikTok video that it’s not normal to say these comments to each other too soon or too quickly.

‘The love bomber may seem like the perfect match, but in reality, they are creating a false environment to look like they are the right person for you,’ Devyn Simone, Tinder’s resident relationship expert told Cosmopolitan.

3. She will activate the ‘savior’ in you

A woman will activate the ‘savior’ in you with comments like: ‘Where have you been my whole life?,’ ‘You’re the man I’ve been praying for my whole life,’ ‘Nobody has ever made me feel this way,’ ‘I can really trust you,’ or ‘I can really be myself with you.’

Suddenly, you will feel like her savior. ‘These women are always gonna look for the PHIL (protector, hero, integrity, love),’ Labonté warned. 

She goes after ‘the man who wants to save the woman, the man that doesn’t see the woman as a predator – but that’s what these people are,’ continued Labonté.

These narcissists are predators and they’ll look at you as the prey because ‘you’re coming from a place of need,’ she added.

If after two weeks, you and she are already calling each other 'soulmates' and are talking about marriage and moving in together, these could be red flags that she's love bombing you

If after two weeks, you and she are already calling each other ‘soulmates’ and are talking about marriage and moving in together, these could be red flags that she’s love bombing you

4. She will overshare very personal details

If she starts disclosing past trauma by oversharing things about her abandonment issues, or telling you that she’s been abused by her dad or ex-boyfriend, you’re being reeled in to think ‘Wow, she’s really opening up to me so quickly. She must really trust me. I must really make her feel safe.’

She might tell you that she has an addictive personality, or that she’s on this really difficult healing journey,’ but it’s done to establish a level of trust.

You might feel the need to start opening up to her and share personal details about the trauma you’ve endured.

This is once again too soon, but what she’s doing is collecting inventory on you so she can use this information against you in the future which is when the devaluation stage will begin, explained Labonté.

She continued to explain that the devaluation stage starts when the woman will use your flaws and weaknesses to gain dominance over the direction of the relationship.

5. You’re constantly complimented and validated

She will shower you with compliments by saying things like: ‘You’re such a good father,’ ‘I can’t believe your ex-wife treated you this way,’ ‘You’re so handsome,’ ‘You’re amazing at your work,’ ‘you’re so successful,’ or ‘you’ve done so much healing.’ 

These compliments and validations put you on a pedestal that will give you that ‘wow’ factor and leave you thinking that you’re so lucky because no one has ever made you feel this good about yourself. 

Like a drug, you’ll become addicted to that feeling, making it hurt so much more when she knocks you off the pedestal you’ve become accustomed to, Labonté warned.

6. Unrealistic communication and attention demands

Her unrealistic attention and communication demands could include endless back-and-forth texting, two-hour phone calls and conversations at 2 a.m.

At first, you’re in the honeymoon stage and this kind of close attention will feel good because you’ll be amazed that she wants to be with you all the time and you’ll feel like your communication is really strong.

However, this kind of endless communication isn’t sustainable and you’ll soon find that you’re missing your normal routine of going to the gym, sleeping in or spending time with friends and family.

Over time, this will chip away at your personal life and before long, you’ll start to forget who you used to be before the relationship and over time, you and this person will become molded into one, Labonté said.

At this point, they might start to devalue and throw you away, leaving you unsure of how to rebuild your life. 

7. Affection and intimacy

You and this woman will be constantly intimate – she’ll shower you with love and affection, especially if it’s something you didn’t have in a previous marriage or relationship.

Because you’ve shared your traumas and insecurities with her, she’ll know this is what you were lacking and appeal to your needs before weaponizing it against you. 

‘If you turn down advances from a person who’s love bombing you or they feel you’re not responding to their needs, they might threaten or berate you,’ psychologist Alaina Tiani, PhD told Cleveland Clinic

‘They want that constant reassurance that they’re loved and worthy and this stems from their underlying insecurities.’

8. She will shower you with gestures

She won’t necessarily shower you with gifts like a man would with a woman, but she will use gestures like traveling two hours at night just to cook you dinner and take care of you when you’re sick.

It leaves you with the feeling of ‘who else would take care of me like this?’ but it’s typically done with a purpose. 

Unlike men who are providers by nature and would shower a woman with flowers, gifts and money, women are nurturers and will appeal to that aspect of their nature.

‘Initially, you might feel safe, secure and swept off your feet because grand gestures are a self-esteem boost and make you feel important and desired,’ Tiani told Cleveland Clinic. 

‘But the love bomber’s ultimate goal is not just to seek love, but to gain control over someone else,’ she continued.

‘Over time, those grand gestures are an effort to manipulate you and make you feel indebted to and dependent on them.’ 

9. She will get you involved in her family

Very quickly, this woman will get you involved in her family by introducing you to her parents, her siblings and her friends, making it difficult for you to leave her.

Labonté warned that she’ll use guilt to let you know you’re letting down her family by saying things like: ‘I’ve already introduced you to my family,’ ‘I’ve already told everyone about you,’ or demand: ‘How could you do this to me?’

10. Commitment will be thrust on you too quickly

Shortly into the relationship, she will start talking about having a committed relationship, marriage and moving in together.

Something bad might have happened in her life and she could tell you she lost her apartment and suddenly you find yourself offering to move in or telling her that you have a spare room.

Before you know it, she’s living with you, maybe she gets pregnant and you have a child and suddenly you’re too entangled to leave, Labonté explained/

How to leave a ‘Lovebombing’ relationship

The commitment happens before you even have enough time to realize it happened to you. 

‘It’s better to walk away, to say ‘Hey, we need to take some space, this is moving way too quickly’ and just see how these people will react,’ Labonté said.

She might tell you she understands and will give you space, but then you’ll start getting text messages saying: ‘I know you needed space but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you.’

In this scenario, it’s important to recognize that you set a boundary and she’s not respecting that.

She might tack on that she can’t do this, that you needing your space is ‘too painful’ and she’ll attempt to break it off.

‘Love bombers also get upset about any boundaries with regard to access to you or you accepting their displays of ‘love,’ professional counselor Tabitha Westbrook told Healthline.

‘It’s like a tsunami of affection and they expect you to accept it all,’ she added.

This tactic works by giving you FOMO (fear of missing out) and will trick you into coming back to the relationship.

It will leave you questioning if you were wrong about needing space and you will wonder if you’ll ever find anyone that great again.

‘Listen to your intuition,’ Lil said in the video. ‘Just tune in and your body will respond if it feels too intense, too uncomfortable and too good to be true.’


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